


Not So Sexy

by EarthCallingAlice



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Anal Sex, Ficlet, Humor, M/M, Mood Breakers, Post-Quest, Sex Talk, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 14:56:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2551721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthCallingAlice/pseuds/EarthCallingAlice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even fine, dashing young gentlehobbits can't be sexy all the time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not So Sexy

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling stupid and full of sugar and wanted to write some Merry/Pippin, and this was the result. I know there are some who have a fetish in this and I am in no way judging it but in my story the characters don't and it's meant for humor purposes. 
> 
> Originally published June 6, 2012
> 
> Merry and Pippin belong to Tolkien Estate and New Line Cinema.

~*~

It was early evening in Tuckborough and two of its most prestigious young residents decided it was time to spend some quality time together. The taller and blond male hobbit was lying on the bed as his darker haired male companion lay atop him, his legs wrapped rather tightly around his waist. There were stars in each others eyes in that moment. It was a beautiful night at the Smials. There was wine. There was candlelight. There was romance.

“Merry. Please? Say it.”

Merry rolled his eyes and let go a long-suffering sigh, “Oh, C’mon, Pippin.” His voice sounded parts scolding and bemused.

“Merry.”

“Oh, bloody… all right. Oh, mighty troll slayer." The older hobbit tried to say it with as much conviction as he could muster but it sounded more deadpan, he snorted then let out a sharp gasp at one of his lovers well-placed thrusts. 

“Mmm. I’ll be dubbing this sword –pant- as Merry’s Bane –pant-pant, soon enough.”

Pippin sounded a bit too smug to Merry but could he really argue when…? “Cheeky –GASP-!”

‘Pffft.’

“Pippin… Oh, _Pippin_!”

Merry was hamming it up a little too much, thought Pippin, but he decided to play along. “Yes, Merry! Yes!”

“No, no.” Merry shook his head. “What’s that smell?” He raised his head inquiringly.

“What smell?” Pippin had stopped his movements to take a few sniffs of the air. “I don’t smell anything.” He looked at Merry, bewildered.

“You don’t? How can you not?” The blond scrunched his nose. “It’s stifling.”

Pippin raised one reddish-brown eyebrow, “Merry, what are you implying?”

“Either you've got a visit from the Bean Fairy or you left cheese under the bed again.” Merry, well, the whole shire knew of Pippins legendary appetite for food, or appetites in general. Perhaps this was the collide of both those indulgences. Merry sighed. 

Pippin looked truly insulted, like a cat that has been caught in some ungraceful blunder. "Merry, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Oh, not the Tooks don’t fart speech. This has been happening all week. Perhaps you should see Hyacinth? It could be your diet.” To Merry’s credit, he was being serious, and though he could indulge Pippin’s kinks, he wasn’t going to ignore what was clearly a health issue. 

Pippin continued to look insulted and wondered about the possibility of the shire finding out that the future Thain was seeing a healer for flatulence of all things. Word traveled fast with the more gossipy of hobbits. They loved their tales. “I’m in complete control of my faculties, thank you.”

Merry let out a healthy chortle. “Prince of the Halflings… or is that flatulence? You could slay trolls alright but you don’t need-” 

“Merry?”

“Yes, Pip?”

“Hush up and start-“

“Ohhh, Pip.”

“Exactly. Mmm.”

‘Pfft.’

“Bollocks.”

~*~


End file.
